Interactive Support Groups and Personal Coaching
We believe in empowering parents by providing them with the skills and knowledge that enable their children to thrive. Our approach combines teaching science backed parenting concepts and tools*, somatic practices, parts work, and positive psychology to help parents build strong and nurturing relationships with their children that encourage healthy development, while building personal self-awareness and managing stress. Our services are offered both online and in-person. (located in the Berkshires, MA)
*ADHD Informed
Children aren't designed to deal with much stress, they are designed to learn—learn about the world and how to use their body and mind.
As teenagers, children begin to develop the structures in their brains that enable them to deal with life's stressors, but these main structures aren't fully developed until a person is in their twenties.
Children with ADHD, of all ages, often encounter a huge amount of stress, not only from trying to function in a world that was not designed for them, but, even more so, from the many corrections and rejections they experience, which causes psychological/emotional stress. This impels them to try to cope in ways that only lead to more corrections and rejections, which causes more stress, making their ADHD symptoms worse.
The good news is that children are incredibly resilient. Given the right environment and guidance, they can snap back from periods of even very intense stress.
The most important thing is that children with ADHD have a home base where they experience a felt sense that there isn't anything wrong with them – that they are okay. This puts them into states where all the parts of their brain are online and integrated, allowing them to do what they are supposed to do, learn and develop. When children don't feel that they are okay, their nervous system is in a survival state, and a good amount of their brain is working behind the scenes trying to resolve what it perceives as danger.
For parents, the best way to provide your children this sense of okayness is to become aware of, and tend to, your own reactivity.
Guilt can stop us from doing this work. This doesn't make sense when you look at it. We tend to carry way too much guilt. A little bit of guilt every now and then is okay; it keeps us in line with our values. But any more than that and it has the reverse effect and actually keeps us from honoring our values. It's good to take a little time and journal about the things we feel guilty about. Write down what you feel guilty about. Then ask, "how did that come to be?" Then take your answer and ask again, "how did that come to be?" Keep asking that question and it starts to become pretty obvious that much of the blame many of us carry is unrealistic. Let go of guilt. Everyone involved will be better off.
Once you become aware of your conditioning and are able to relax it a little, you can learn some simple concepts & tools that will help your child feel safe and okay about themselves. From there, teaching them the life skills that they need in order to face challenges, relate to others, regulate their emotions, be organized (enough), and go on to lead happy lives isn't so difficult.
Children love to learn. They are made to learn. They also love to play – which is learning how to use their body & mind and be creative – and they love to be challenged, especially children with ADHD. So if you can frame things in ways that make it interesting or challenging, and maybe creative and fun, they will be all in.
Children with ADHD need to be shown how processes work, how all tasks are made up of steps. When teaching kids processes, each step needs to be broken down into smaller steps that are small enough to fit in their head all at once. Have them imagine a snapshot of them executing that small step, as if it were a frame from a comic book. Find ways to make it a game. Make it ridiculous and challenging.. They will be all in.
Embodied Parenting can be your partner in implementing all of this in your life. Consider joining an Interactive Support Group or working with me one-on-one. Details below...
Interactive Support Groups
Humans are social animals. By nature, the main cues to our nervous system that it is safe to relax are the social groups we belong to, but in our modern society, it is often the case that our social connections have the opposite effect, keeping us in activated, reactive states. Interactive Support Groups for Parents of Children with ADHD—based on the ideas of Jay Earley—are designed to keep members of the group in more grounded, present centered states. Here, our creative problem solving is functioning in high gear, we are able to learn new ideas and skills faster and deeper, and as a bonus, we generally feel better.
You'll learn an enormous amount about yourself and come to understand why you, and the people in your life, behave as they do.
Powerful Embodiment & Somatic tools for shifting your nervous system into calmer, more integrated states will be introduced at each meeting.
You'll discover many of our innate human capacities and will chose and develop the ones that you believe will be most helpful in the situations of your life where things haven't been working as well as you would like.
Overall, your ability to relate to yourself and others in more productive ways will increase dramatically.
Meetings begin with embodiment and somatic practices that help us to be grounded and present. Next, an idea from parts work or a communication skill will be introduced. Then, we move into the main group work, where someone shares about something that is up for them. The other members can engage the person sharing, as well as each other, using communication techniques learned in the group.
My main function during the discussions is to keep things flowing by offering suggestions when someone appears stuck, to relate things that come up with the ideas and skills we’ve been learning, and to take advantage of learning/coaching opportunities when they arise.
The sense of support experienced in these groups is nothing short of life changing. It will enable you to gain new knowledge and skills, and integrate them into your life with considerably more ease than if you were going it alone.
Details:
Groups meet weekly, online (or in person in Berkshire County, MA)
Limited to 8 people per group
Cost: $45 per week online/$50 per week in-person
**Book a complimentary Clarity Call or send me an email, and see if Embodied Parenting groups might be a good fit for you.
One-on-One Coaching
Personal coaching sessions allow us to work slowly and in depth with the issues that are most relevant to you at this period of your life.
Foster healthy development by building strong and constructive relationships with your child or children.
Come to understand your child's brain, the stages of development, and the specific needs associated with each stage
Learn how to structure rules and expectations in a way that actually will help your child to feel less stressed and more secure
Ways of relating to them that help them feel secure and encourage acceptable behavior
How to teach them skills that will help them to flourish
Become aware of and transform your own conditioning and reactivity
Learn powerful somatic and embodiment tools for releasing anxiety and tension from your body
Establish a clearer connection with your intuition/inner knowing
Clarify your thinking and choose realistic, yet more helpful mindsets that will help you to feel empowered, competent, and optimistic
Develop underutilized capacities within yourself that will be most useful in helping you achieve successful outcomes
Working with a coach is like having a second brain. I won’t let you forget what you’re trying to achieve and why it is important to you, and the plan we’ve co-created that will allow you to achieve it. My support will help you to stay on track, as you take action, one step at a time, towards what you truly want.
Details:
Weekly or bi-weekly, online (or in person in Berkshire County, MA)
Cost: $89 per session
**Book a complimentary Clarity Call or send me an email, and see if Embodied Parenting Personal Coaching might be a good fit for you.
My story
My early childhood was basically good. I didn't have any sense of instability or of there being serious problems that needed to be dealt with.
Then when I was 5, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.
She was away at the hospital for a while, and although I wasn't conscious of it, that scared the hell out of me.
My mother survived, but we lost our house due to the enormous hospital bills.
All this reactivated traumas from both my parent's pasts and sent our family into a tailspin… More…
Somatics & Embodiment
Modern science is confirming that the body is not separate from the mind. Our mental states are actually mind/body states. Not only does our state of mind affect our body’s physiology, but our body awareness, posture, movements, and breath profoundly affect our state of mind. The somatic and embodiment practices that have come out of the huge advances in neuroscience over the past few decades are very effective at uncovering and releasing stuck, instinctual energy in our bodies, as well as for returning us to more regulated, integrated states.
IFS/Parts Work
Internal Family Systems, and other parts based systems, gives us a model of our mind that allows us to see with amazing clarity the often hidden parts of ourselves that operate with a degree of autonomy, believe we aren't capable of dealing with certain types of people, situations and feelings, and are very committed to keeping us from becoming overwhelmed by those things by managing our thinking and behavior. IFS/Parts Work is extremely helpful in uncovering the ways we make our lives unnecessarily harder for ourselves.
Mindfulness
Without some sort of mindfulness practice, it is very difficult to develop the awareness of when you are in a habitual, reactive state, as opposed to a more present, open, and responsive state. And if you're not aware of what state you are in, how could you hope to change it. In mindfulness meditation, we learn to be more and more aware of what is happening inside and outside of your body and mind as it is happening. This is done by learning what it is like to be in the particular state of mind—which all humans have—that is made to do this sort of thing, as well as practicing returning to this body/mind state when we realized we've shifted into a more habitual, less present state. This body/mind state has the quality of being directly plugged into our senses, but relaxed and open, not trying to push anything away or pull anything in, sort of like a scientist researching what it is like to experience our senses directly. I've learned many techniques to make learning how to do this very possible and rewarding for even the most restless minds.
Values, Character, and Mindset
When we're not in touch with our natural inclinations – what comes easy to us, what we like, what we genuinely find to be important – not only are we not truly happy, but are system is not functioning as it is designed to. We're not accessing all of the parts of ourselves that have been evolving and perfecting themselves over millions of years. We're functioning from a limited part of ourselves. Exploring Values and uncovering our unique set of Character Strengths is, I would say, necessary, if we want to be running on all cylinders and have some sense of fulfillment.
We all know the concept of Mindset: Is the cup half full or half empty? Working with our basic outlook and beliefs can have a huge impact on our lives. This has been studied quite a bit. Our beliefs regarding what is happening in our lives generally come out of our childhood "conditioning". We experience moods and emotions, consciously or not, and then shape our thinking to make sense of what we're feeling, not what is actually happening. Mindset work transforms our perspectives and thinking making them more inspiring and true.
“The techniques that Chris uses allowed for my strengths to be realized and my personal journey to be appreciated, as well as giving me a greater sense of the path I was seeking. He helped me gain valuable perspectives during a very important and challenging time. Chris is very professional. I highly recommend him as a coach.”
— Marcie H.
“I cannot possibly be more expressive of my gratitude for the time I spent with Chris, the things I learned about myself, and the struggles I conquered.”
— Jeremy J.
“My sessions with Chris have really helped ground me and keep me focused. He relates to what I'm saying and helps me to develop my thoughts and feelings, allowing me to make important decisions with more confidence.”